I Write Things

Reflections on Brentwood

ravenink@gmail.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 10:02:08 GMT

Dear Internet,

I've spent the holidays at my parent's house in Brentwood. It's a suburban town. Miles and miles of cookie cutter houses. When I grew up here, it was all fields, now it's all strip malls.

It's been wonderful seeing my family, and my friends in the area have helped me get my thoughts together.

The strangest part about this town is the familiar faces.

I went to a bar with my sister last week, and encountered four people that I knew from high school. I've been there several subsequent times, and every time I run into one or two familiar faces. We talk about how much we've grown up, and what we've experienced in the last few years.

But the eerie parts are the people who have never left the nest. I've run into a dozen familiar faces which are still living in their parent's house, hanging out at the same bars, and doing the same thing that they were doing when I left this corn field town. They walk the streets like specters; distracted husks for the people they wanted to be, trying to find a way to complete unfinished business in the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

I want the world to be my Jack Daniels.

I haven't made it as far as I would like in the past six years, but I am come a long way. The next six years will be better. I won't settle for less.

Truly,
Kigs

A Special Moment

ravenink@gmail.com — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 10:58:03 GMT

Dear Internet,

Everyone has loved. Or, at least, has believed that they have loved.

Consider this your opportunity to share that special moment. That singular, incredible moment when you declared your love for one of the other confused creatures on this planet.

This entry is not about me. It is about you. It is a question. Simple, but infinitely complex.

Have you ever loved? You? Truly?

If so, share it. Tell us what lead you to love, and what you experienced. I want to know what you felt, and what caused you to feel that way. Thousands of poets have tried to stick a pin into that word. Here's your chance to define it from your own perspective. If you know someone on your friends list who has something to say, link them to this entry.

What is love?

Share. Leap off the cliff. Connect with your fellow humans.

I anxiously await your viewpoint.

Truly,
Kigs

On Mess

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 22:21:34 GMT

Dear Internet,

My little brother is a chaos prodigy. He seems calm enough: quiet, demure. At age 4 and the weight of several house cats, he has never been known to scream, draw on walls, throw toys, erupt into tantrums, or smudge creamy foods all over his face, the table, or the cat. All in all, he's a curious and active little boy.

Except for one thing. He was blessed with the incredible ability to take absolutely nothing, and make a mess out of it. He has been quietly hiding under a step ladder in the corner of my room for the past ten minutes, and the room has fallen to shambles around him with seemingly no direct interaction.

First, it was a scrap of paper. I don't remember where it came from, but suddenly it was on my desk. Then, markers and plastic cups began to manifest on every available flat surface. A glowing Avatar McDonalds toy appeared on my table, seemingly of its own volition. Its cheep transparent plastic body and LEDs blinking mockingly at me. I checked behind me to ensure that was little brother was still there, and he was innocently laying on my bed and reading a Power Ranges book.

He's crafty, that one. I'll have to keep an eye on him.

Truly,
~Kigs

The rules of insomnia

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:37:59 GMT

Dear Internet,

Why is it that I can only draw after a long night without sleeping?

It's 6am and I've sketched more in the last 2 hours than I have in the last 2 months.

The portion of the brain governing creativity must be inhabited by the wakeful part of the mind.

Truly,
Kigs

Amanda Palmer Interview: Dresden Dolls, Neil Gaiman, and... Matthew Ebel?

ravenink@gmail.com — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:14:19 GMT

Dear Internet,

Amanda Palmer recently did an uncensored interview in which she discusses why the Dresden Dolls broke up, her fans, Neil Gaiman, and the internet (that's you guys.) Here it is, presenting red hot smoking and freshly uploaded for your pleasure.

Amanda Palmer: Amanda Palmer Sounds Off.

I had the pleasure of meeting Amanda at an Absinthe party in San Francisco a few years ago, and again working on her, "What's the use of Wonderin'" music video with Vermilion Lies. Those who aren't familiar with her work should go check out her music.

Finally, since I know a lot of those following this journal are fans of Matthew Ebel, she mentions (and links) his twitter in the video.

It's good to see Matt spreading his name around. Gan or Jenn, link him to his video if you get the chance. I'm sure it will make his day. :)

Truly,
~Kigs

Bohemian Rhasody

ravenink@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 02:08:44 GMT

Dear Internet,

This video put a smile on my face, and anything capable of that is worth sharing.

It is my pleasure to present:

Bohemian Rhapsody, as performed by the Muppets.

A special thanks goes out to stahi for showing me that video.

Truly,
~Kigs

Simple

ravenink@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:57:45 GMT

Dear Internet,

I've drank the finest wine, ate the best meals, and seen the most sublime art.

But, after all this, nothing brings a smile to my face like a warm towel, fresh out of the dryer.

Truly,
~Kigs

I dare you!

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:27:06 GMT

Dear Internet,

I wonder what forms of idiotic, monstrous, or hilarious things have been done for a dollar or less.

Truly,
~Kigs

Weed Allergy and Racism

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:59:46 GMT

Dear Internet,

Racism is hilarious sometimes. Sometimes.

My roommate works at a movie Theatre. It's a pretty terrible job, but it has its perks. Free movies for his friends. Popcorn. Movie swag.

Unfortunately, you also occasionally jump head first into a customer service nightmare. Here's some background.

Precious just came out.

The film's main character is Claireece "Precious" Jones, an abused teen mother who is dark-skinned, overweight and illiterate. It stars Mo'nique and Mariah Carrey, and has received lots of attention from the Sundance Film festival, Oprah Winfrey, and has won several Audience awards.

Back to the story at hand.

My roommate works at a Movie Theater. He's White, in his late 30's, and happens to be allergic to Marijuana. The movie's demographic is going to attract African Americans, and due to the Theater's location, this particular movie theater failed to attract the Cafe Art Crowd the movie was originally aimed at, and instead filled the theater with thugs and self proclaimed hood rats.

Mind you, the latter is not a term which I use. It is a term which the lady in this story used to describe herself. I wish I was kidding.

So, this fine, upstanding urban lady comes up to order a popcorn REEKING of weed. My roommate starts taking her order, smells it, and suddenly becomes very aware of an itch starting inside of his throat. He turns around, shoots her a nasty look, and proceeds to walk to the other side of the room.

The manager, knowing Brian's problem and smelling the weed as well, steps up to the cash register to finish the order.

The lady explodes into a slew of racial epitaphs, quotes, and curse words which would have made a sailor proud. She's screaming around the general theme of "That racist fat ass is refusing to serve me because I'm black!" in the key of E minor. The manager, seeing that this situation is quickly going to get out of control, attempts to calm her down and explain the situation, but each time he opens his mouth the lady starts hushing him, thrusting her hand into his face, and springing into a new chorus of "WHAT THE FUCK?!?".

With each progressive outburst, she comes closer and closer to jumping over the table and digging her nails into the manager and my roommate. A few African Americans hear her yelling about the guy behind the counter refusing to serve her because she is black and begin to get restless. One of them starts to chime in.

Finally, Brian sees that this about to get very bad, very quickly, interrupts her in mid-tirade and screams, "I'M NOT RACIST, I'M ALLERGIC TO MARIJUANA AND IT'S ALL OVER YOUR CLOTHES!"

The entire room goes silent.

"It's medical!" snaps the lady irritably.

"I don't care. It can still make me die!" replies my roommate.

"Ma'am, I think this is a misunderstanding. Would you like a free popcorn?" says the manager.

The lady flips a psychological 180, calms down, lets out a nervous laugh, and starts stammering an apology to my roommate.

The moral of the story:
Don't jump to conclusions.

Truly,
Kigs

Classics

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:09:17 GMT

Dear Internet,

We decided to watch 2 out of the 3 Lord of the Rings movies last night. I had forgotten how gorgeous those films were. You can almost smell the air of the forests.

I am posting today to share a great quote from that night. This unusual summary of Tolkein's story is the result of a ten minute attempt to explain the entire thing in one sentence.

"Lord of the Rings is a story about a bunch of lazy midgets who take a long walk, and a ring."

Truly,
Kigs

Artists

ravenink@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:50:50 GMT

Dear Internet,

I'm looking for an artist.

One of you clever ladies or gentlemen posted a picture a while back of a pair of Bourgeoisie Moths.

Could you link me too it? Or if anyone remembers who it was, could you please point me in the right direction?

Thanks. :)

Truly,
~Kigs

Ruminations on the Internet

ravenink@gmail.com — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:18:40 GMT

Dear Internet,

Here is one for your late nighters.

Today, I was thinking about the recent outbreak of social networking websites. Livejournal. Twitter. Facebook. LinkedIn.

They say that you can live in New York you're entire life and never meet your next door neighbor. I grew up in a small suburb, and you knew the name of everyone who lived around you: your neighbors, the teachers at the local schools, all the kids in the area, the name of the folks who sell you cigarettes, serve you food, take your groceries out to your car, and cut your hair. I still remember the name of the man who ran an arcade when I was 13.

Society's interactions have evolved from huts, to villages, to towns, to cities, to metropolises, and finally to the internet. With each progression leading to even less face to face contact with your fellow humans. In small towns with few people, you know the name of everyone. In large cities with hundreds of thousands of people, you cluster in small social groups.

With the advent of the internet, I believe that social networking websites are the result of a deep seeded need for community. Failing to know the name of the man who delivers your water, you default to reaching out to the online community in hope of satisfying the social interaction which everyone secretly craves. You make friends. You get to know their names, their likes, and their dislikes.

People begin to converge into online villages in a desperate attempt to reconnect with their lost sense of community. Even in the faceless virtual era, we cluster together in tight knit groups based on our hobbies and beliefs. We seek out like minded people because we cannot find them in our current setting.

We are the first generation which has embarked into a virtual space in order to find our community. Where as the previous generation dreamed of greener pastures in a different part of the world, we dream of a community which can never really exist.

Thoughts?

Truly,
Jorge Sidhu

Soviet Lolcats

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:26:22 GMT

Dear Internet,

It is a rare moment when one reaches the end of the internet. After traversing a lengthy path littered with memes, blogs, adverts, and an endless sea of forums, I finally reached the end of the internet. As I stared off the face of the internet, I felt its cthonic undulations slowly peel away my sanity.

It was then that I truly understood the impact of connecting thousands of separate cultures through virtual space. Russian Lolcat macros.

This image translates approximately as:

"-His lethargic display of apathy and lack of industry is shameful!

-It is a legitimate response to the harsh and inconsequential nature of being. I celebrate his tenacity!"

As you can see, the Russian take on photo macros comes in a different flavor than our American counterpart. My personal belief is that the internet finally ran out of American lolcats and decided to expand its terrible reach. Take this fine example of American Lolcat literature:

Professor Zubrick, head of Caturday studies at Rofl University, believes that the vernacular differences stem from the influence of different sorts of WWII propaganda used in the separate countries. I sought him out for a personal interview. After praising a series of glorious cat humor, fresh from the gulag press, he spouted, "In mother Russia, cat picture tag YOU!" and then disappeared into his mad scientist lab to resume staring at a strange series of tubes intended to quantify and measure the internet.

More Russian Cat Macros can be found at http://www.rolcats.com/.
Profession Zubrick of Rofl University can be contacted at bmwman91

More on this as it develops. Kigs out.

Truly,
Kigs

Bowler Caps and Fashionites

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:00:57 GMT

Dear Internet,

My closet is filled with costume pieces. Bowler caps. Cloaks. Masks. Fingerless gloves. A slew of cravats, double breasted vests, and a thousand odds and ends from bygone generations threaten to overtake my closet.

Which is why I was surprised when the New York Times released This Article. The Article, entitled "This Just in From the 1890s", describes the recent rise of Victorian fashion in the clothing world. From Cardinal Red Tailcoats from Ralph Lauren, to Suspenders, Bowler Caps, and Capes, the era of Charles Dicken's, The Titanic, and Pride and Prejudice is steadily making its entrance.

Good news for all the Theatre Dorks, you can now wear your throw back outfits at Starbucks. Bad news for Fashionites, I give it six months before we see Cravats at Hot Topic.

Langholm Overcoat

Hacking Jacket Red Blue Tweed

Smythe Herringbone equestrian jacket

Truly,
Kigs

(Images Added)

Needed: 1 Wordpress Website Designer!

ravenink@gmail.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:15:34 GMT

Dear Internet,

Are there any sassy web designers out there looking for a contract gig?

Please respond to ravenink(at)gmail(dot)com with your prices, examples of your work, and where you know me from. A coworker wants someone to build his website and I want to give one of you the referral. If it goes well, repeat business is a strong possibility. Must be able to work in Wordpress.

Thanks in advance for contacting me. I hope one of you guys gets it. :)

Truly,
~Kigs

Ghetto Dryer

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:22:28 GMT

Dear Internet,

My washer and dryer are horrible. They are the twelve colored Pinto of the clothes cleaning world, complete with patches of lint and peeling paint.

But, they do clean clothes. The washer washes.

Unfortunately, the dryer isn't so clever. It doesn't dry, so much as moisten the clothing. Pants, shirts, and strange underwear come out lukewarm and mildew wet. The dryer knows how horrible it is. In fact, while most dryers have settings such as "Hot", or "Extra Hot", our deluxe ragtag dryer comes with such creative settings as "Dry", "Less Dry", or "More Dry".

Who in their right mind would want their clothing, "Less Dry"? For that matter, how can clothes be More Dry? How do they achieve this Zen state of ultimate dryness beyond the normal realm of standard dry? Do they reach Nirvana and cease to reincarnate as more lint?

Truly,
Kigs

Getting into the Spirit

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 01:19:07 GMT

Dear Internet,

The leaves are turning brown and orange and it's time for the pumpkins and ghouls to come out and play. time to get in the mood.

It is my honor to present to you, the immortal, the spectacular, the glorious Screaming Jay Hawkings. He'll put a spell on you.

Classic.

Truly,
~Kigs

Ripe from the Vine

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:55:16 GMT

Dear Pregnant Women,

You need a steady diet of glass, cocaine, and hookers if you want to have a strong, healthy child.

Truly,
Kigs

How a cat stares

ravenink@gmail.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:45:33 GMT

Dear Internet,

Bad analogies are like blocks of wood.

Truly,
Kigs

Green Apple Dreams

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 11:40:24 GMT

Dear Internet,

I just awoke from one of the strangest dreams I've had in recent memory. Bear with the strange imagery, I'm trying to chronicle it before it fades from my mind.

It was my good friend's Birthday, though I have no clue which friend. There were dozens of people wandering around the house having a good time. Each room was themed, and everyone seemed very busy doing something. What that something was different from room to room; some involved doing, while other were discussing, and in some rooms people were making. But what the subject matter was, I have no idea.

A series of rooms in particular was made of 2D cardboard cutouts laid around the room to duplicate video game settings. Mario's bushes and clouds come to mind, but other rooms included Tetris, Metroid, and even World of Warcraft. The people in these rooms did not do, discuss, or make anything. They simply stood there.

At some point, I found myself climbing a catastrophically narrow stairwell with tall, thin, dangerous steps. The Birthday boy sat on top of this stairwell, and gibbered madly about what everyone else was doing from its shadows.

Only one snippet of the conversation with the birthday boy clings to my memory.

"Try the Apple Pie with Gravy. It's Delicious."

"Yes, sir. I think I will. I heard it got good revues on twitter."

My Brain. Poor thing must be so bogged down with random crap that it can't relax at night. I must amend this with some tea.

Truly,
Kigs

Art Block Discount

ravenink@gmail.com — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 00:36:22 GMT

Dear Internet,

I'm offering some quick, cheap sketches to get the mental juices running again. Jump on the opportunity!

$5 Quick sketches!

More can be found at at my FA account: Kigs!

Email your character description to ravenink@gmail.com
Include references if available, as well as a small personality description. I'll draw your character doing something random and fun.

Paypal goes to the same email address.

Give me some fun doodle opportunities. ;)

Truly,
Kigs

Obama vs West

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:42:07 GMT

Dear Internet,

Obama called Kanye West a dick. In private. Because of his actions at the video music awards.

For those of you who didn't catch the annual MtV three ring circus, Kanye West interrupted an awards ceremony to state his displeasure at the award choice. Here is this young country singer, proud of getting her first major award, when Kanye stomps on stage, inturupts her, and states that the award should have gone to his friend Beyonce.

The quote was caught as an off-interview conversation, and sent via twitter by an over zealous news reporter. The station did send out a formal apology for making a private statement very, very public. But by that point millions of twitters had distributed the comment around the internet.

This must be a Public Relations nightmare for Kanye West. For a man who is constantly complaining about being the victim of racism to have his actions denounced by the country's first black president must be very disheartening. Well Kanye, the ballots have been counted and, at the end of the day, black or white, you are most certainly a dick.

Truly,
Kigs

Zombie Clowns

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:16:13 GMT

Dear Internet,

It looks like the new Left 4 Dead is going to include Zombie Clowns. pac, I'm looking at you.

Bonus Round: Here's a trailer. Check out that strapping young zombie in the overalls.

Zombies. Chainsaws. The bayou. Sounds like an excellent B movie opportunity; I look forward to making Evil Dead references while I mow through Hordes of the Demi-Dead.

Truly,
Kigs

Marvel/Disney Question

ravenink@gmail.com — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:58:36 GMT

Dear Internet,

Hopefully some of you Florida or Southern California folks will have better insight on this than myself.

Disney just purchased Marvel. Yet, Universal Studios currently has a bunch of Spiderman/Batman themed rides at their park. This seems like quite a conflict of interest, since Disney now owns the rights to several of the rides in Universal Studios.

I imagine they will eventually rename the rides. Or that Disney will just have to honor the contracts Marvel had with Universal. But, do you guys have any details on how this is developing? I'm curious.

Truly,
Kigs

Poor uses of capitalism

ravenink@gmail.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:02:51 GMT

Dear Internet,

Capitalism in America disappointed me today.

I was taking a short break at work. There I am, reading through a fantasy novel, when I hear Obama's voice coming from the television. He's delivering a speech on the amount of credit card debt currently in the US. He was listing some disturbing statistics on the amount of Americans which will never, in their entire lives, be out of debt.

I try to stay politically aware, so I closed my book and turned to listen to the television. Then something terrible happened.

Right when he was getting to the numbers and facts, the screen flashed to a credit card company saying:

"Time is not on your side. If you have $10,000 or more credit card debt to your name, call NOW for a free consultation! Remember, TIME IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE."

It was a commercial! This fucking company was using quotes from the President's speeches to incite fear in the public and make them buy their product. Then, it played a series of quick clips taken from Obama's speeches where he mentions debts, making it seem like the President is endorsing the credit card debt company. It would occasionally cut back to:

"TIME IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE. CALL NOW!!!"

The only way to notice that it was a commercial during the speech bits was a teeny tiny white message in the corner which said, "The opinions held in this commercial are not necessarily those held by President Obama, the state of Ohio, or the United States of America."

I wrote down the phone number. I'm considering calling them up and telling them exactly what I think of their sales methods. Seeing a company splice clips of the President to sell their credit service sounds like something out of 1984.

Truly,
Kigs